Once again I have the cheat sheet for this particular game book (a book I have come to hate; 4 attempts and 4 pathetic early failures, grrr)
First point of note - the solution is 5 pages long and the furthest I ever got was half way down page one. Did I mention that I really hate this book?
Spoilers ahead...
Ok, so you are supposed to get side tracked tacking down an evil biker gang (are there ever any nice biker gangs?). Randomly shooting missiles at stuff. Kinda cool, but also sorta random.
You actually end up at the point where grumpy ghost ran out of petrol, but coming at it from a different direction means you have spare fuel to continue with.
Lots of randomly turning at t-junctions with few clues on how to proceed. Does no one have a good atlas in the future?
You randomly meet a guy (who looks like a tattooed Chuck Norris in the accompanying picture) who invites you to a race. Presumably after the apocalypse, there is little more to do than randomly race in heavily armed cars. My kinda place.
More random stuff in the race, which you need to win to get more fuel.
Heh - you come across the overturned Interceptor of some other poor soul, maybe a neat reference to how many sodding goes this damn book takes?
You visit a really expensive mechanic, are there any other sort? Maybe somewhere there is a place with nice biker gangs and cheap mechanics? Or have I wandered back into the fantasy genre?
You also meet a gentleman duelist. No idea how he's survived in the apocolypse as (a) he's a nice guy and good loser and (b) fairly crap at pistol duelling.
Hmmm, I'm not sure this cheat sheet is quite right. You need plastic tube to siphon some fuel, yet the place where you get some tubing from (the crashed Interceptor before) the instructions actually told you to drive past. I only investigated as I was curious as to the fate of the other Interceptor's driver. Anyway, that was a fairly pointless aside. Apologies and onwards.
So to get to the place that has the fuel to trade you there is a need to sabotage the vehicles of the excellently named Doom Dogs gang. You need a lot of luck along the way (which given that you have to lower your luck score by one each time you test your luck seems a bit unfair).
You make it to the town with the spare fuel, but what is this? Another attack by those dastardly Doom Dogs, darnit.
So you get the tanker to drive back, and "ignoring all distractions head north" to return to the village. If it was that flipping easy, why not just drive south in the first place? The excuse that the Interceptor has poor fuel efficiency is pretty thin to be honest.
And that is that. Paragraph 380 rather than the usual 400. Easy, eh?
Double humph.
Sunday 9 September 2012
009: That was crap, have another go (read below) OR See how it should be done (turn to 010)
Gonna have another go at Freeway Fighter. Space Ghost went back to his home planet with a dull feeling of a lack of fulfillment. In his place Future Phil pledges to do his best to help out the poor villages.
Skill: 10
Stamina: 33
Luck: 10
Firepower: 9
Armour: 31
So a bit harder than space ghost, with a car the villages have put slightly more effort into cobbling together but not much.
Future Phil decides to investigate that early shotgun blast that Space Ghost ran away from. Turn out it was a thoroughly nice bloke called Johnson fighting some feral dogs. He advises Future Phil not to stop at the petrol station up the road that Space Ghost got mugged at. Future Phil thanks him and continues on his way.
AGHHHHH
Future Phil loses his first compulsory vehicle battle and is blown to smithereens (the dice throws were ridiculous - child Phil would have cheated 100%)
A child cries back at the village in memory of Future Phil. Thankfully Mega Phil is ready to make the next attempt
Skill: 8
Stamina: 31
Luck: 8
Firepower: 11
Armour: 31
At least this time the villages have put a bit of effort into the car. Good that they seem to have an unlimited supply of Dodge Interceptors...
Mega Phil destroys the first vehicle attacker without taking any damage. Mega Phil reckons that if he stays in his car as much as possible he will be ok. Using that logic, Mega Phil ignores the opportunity to get out an examine an abandoned ambulance.
FOR FCUKS SAKE
Mega Phil drives over a booby trapped bridge and is blown up. How many sodding random early deaths does this stupid book have?!
Back at the village a child shrugs her shoulders, tiring of the constant stream of idiots screwing up the mission. Meanwhile Ultra Phil tentatively steps towards the next Dodge Interceptor of the assembly line, nervously trembling a little.
Skill: 11
Stamina: 32
Luck: 9
Firepower: 7
Armour: 31
Worst car yet. Brilliant.
Despite knowing the muggers are there, Ultra Phil goes to the early petrol station anyway, just to take out his annoyance at his SHITTY CAR on that poor thug.
And now it is compulsory early vehicle battle time. Great.
Ultra Phil is destroyed. He fired all of his rockets with not one hitting. More RIDICULOUS dice roles and his time is up.
Screw that stupid sodding village.
RIP Grumpy Ghost, Future Phil, Mega Phil and Ultra Phil
Never forget
Skill: 10
Stamina: 33
Luck: 10
Firepower: 9
Armour: 31
So a bit harder than space ghost, with a car the villages have put slightly more effort into cobbling together but not much.
Future Phil decides to investigate that early shotgun blast that Space Ghost ran away from. Turn out it was a thoroughly nice bloke called Johnson fighting some feral dogs. He advises Future Phil not to stop at the petrol station up the road that Space Ghost got mugged at. Future Phil thanks him and continues on his way.
AGHHHHH
Future Phil loses his first compulsory vehicle battle and is blown to smithereens (the dice throws were ridiculous - child Phil would have cheated 100%)
A child cries back at the village in memory of Future Phil. Thankfully Mega Phil is ready to make the next attempt
Skill: 8
Stamina: 31
Luck: 8
Firepower: 11
Armour: 31
At least this time the villages have put a bit of effort into the car. Good that they seem to have an unlimited supply of Dodge Interceptors...
Mega Phil destroys the first vehicle attacker without taking any damage. Mega Phil reckons that if he stays in his car as much as possible he will be ok. Using that logic, Mega Phil ignores the opportunity to get out an examine an abandoned ambulance.
FOR FCUKS SAKE
Mega Phil drives over a booby trapped bridge and is blown up. How many sodding random early deaths does this stupid book have?!
Back at the village a child shrugs her shoulders, tiring of the constant stream of idiots screwing up the mission. Meanwhile Ultra Phil tentatively steps towards the next Dodge Interceptor of the assembly line, nervously trembling a little.
Skill: 11
Stamina: 32
Luck: 9
Firepower: 7
Armour: 31
Worst car yet. Brilliant.
Despite knowing the muggers are there, Ultra Phil goes to the early petrol station anyway, just to take out his annoyance at his SHITTY CAR on that poor thug.
And now it is compulsory early vehicle battle time. Great.
Ultra Phil is destroyed. He fired all of his rockets with not one hitting. More RIDICULOUS dice roles and his time is up.
Screw that stupid sodding village.
RIP Grumpy Ghost, Future Phil, Mega Phil and Ultra Phil
Never forget
008: Burn some rubber (read below) OR Read how it should have been done (turn to 009)
Righty-ho, time for something a little different. The vast majority of the FF gamebooks were set in the fantasy world, but my favourites were always the less frequent attempts at sci-fi. Reading modern day reviews of the books it's apparent that the sci-fi gamebooks tend to be the least well remembered, but I'm not sure if that is because of the general standard of the books or that most readers, in a book series that sprouted out of the dungeons and dragons style table top games, just prefer the fantasy genre.
So I have a copy of "Freeway Fighter", the 13th in the FF series which if I just say "Mad Max" then I can avoid having to bother to explain the plot. The lady on the cover even looks a bit like Tina Turner.
Just before I get into more awesome role play, a little bit of triva that 15 minutes on the internet earnt me: The car you drive is a Dodge Interceptor, which was actually the name of a concept car released by Dodge in the 80's (however, the pictures in Freeway Fighter make it look more like a Lamborghini Countach in my eyes). Anyway, the interceptor was featured in the 1986 film (a year after the book came out, incidentally) called "The Wraith". I'll quote the headline of an IMDB review to give you a flavour of the film:
"Best movie about a ghost from outter space who drives a race car and takes on a gang of motor thugs in Arizona"
So (a) I'm definitely going to track that film down and (b) I'm going to role play Freeway Fighter as a grumpy ghost from outer space.
It's dice rolling time, with some extra rules to learn for this book:
Skill: 9
Stamina: 28
Luck: 12
Ugh, so low skill and luck, but a lucky sod.
My Interceptor car also has some stats:
Firepower: 8 (max = 12)
Armour: 28 (max = 36)
Basically the car's skill and stamina, and equally crap as the Grumpy Ghost's I'm role playing as. If I'm the best hope this poor village has of bringing some precious fuel supplies back, they're screwed. Serves them right for giving me a crap car. Tempted just to try and drive off into the sunset never to return.
In this book there is hand combat (in which it is possible to get knocked out rather than outright killed), gun battles and vehicle battles, each of which with different sets of rules. Bit of a faff if you ask me.
Just before I don the leather armour and cool pair of shades that driving my future car demand, a quick aside. The kid that had this book before me was a DIRTY STINKING CHEAT. His pencil scrawls reveal that his stamina and luck scores were allowed to exceed their initial values in clear contravention of the rules. Scumbag.
Ok, here we go. A space ghost decides to help some poor town in a post-apocalypse future where society has broken down, yada yada. Let's go kick some arse.
Space ghost is well aware of his lack of fighting prowess and crap car so when he hears a shotgun blast in a remote town he stopped in, it's foot down and get the hell out of there. Maybe playing as a coward will win the day here.
Space ghost tries to chat up some lady he meets at a gas station and is promptly mugged. Give up his car keys within 5 minutes of starting the damn book, or knife fight? Space ghost quite probably cuts himself pulling the knife out of his trousers, but here goes nothing.
It all comes down to the last dice role and space ghost knocks the thug spark out. The girl gets away while space ghost is doing a victory dance at winning he first ever fight on planet Earth. Onwards (after using a medpack)
And immediately into some vehicle combat. Crappit.The interceptor gets a bit beaten up, but space ghost perseveres and continues on.
Space ghost miscalculates and an event he thought would depend on his good luck actually turns out to be based on his rubbish skill. Nevertheless the dice gods are favourable and he escapes in tact.
Space ghost runs out of petrol and that's it.
WHAT THE FECK?!
What a shitty end to the story. You're basically driving around at random then arbitrarily die. That is rubbish.
The story says you can make it back home on foot to start again, so slightly better than dieing I guess, but still annoying so early into the adventure. I think it would be better to hook people in more first. And, if you are going to kill them early on, make it feel less random.
Humph.
So I have a copy of "Freeway Fighter", the 13th in the FF series which if I just say "Mad Max" then I can avoid having to bother to explain the plot. The lady on the cover even looks a bit like Tina Turner.
Just before I get into more awesome role play, a little bit of triva that 15 minutes on the internet earnt me: The car you drive is a Dodge Interceptor, which was actually the name of a concept car released by Dodge in the 80's (however, the pictures in Freeway Fighter make it look more like a Lamborghini Countach in my eyes). Anyway, the interceptor was featured in the 1986 film (a year after the book came out, incidentally) called "The Wraith". I'll quote the headline of an IMDB review to give you a flavour of the film:
"Best movie about a ghost from outter space who drives a race car and takes on a gang of motor thugs in Arizona"
So (a) I'm definitely going to track that film down and (b) I'm going to role play Freeway Fighter as a grumpy ghost from outer space.
It's dice rolling time, with some extra rules to learn for this book:
Skill: 9
Stamina: 28
Luck: 12
Ugh, so low skill and luck, but a lucky sod.
My Interceptor car also has some stats:
Firepower: 8 (max = 12)
Armour: 28 (max = 36)
Basically the car's skill and stamina, and equally crap as the Grumpy Ghost's I'm role playing as. If I'm the best hope this poor village has of bringing some precious fuel supplies back, they're screwed. Serves them right for giving me a crap car. Tempted just to try and drive off into the sunset never to return.
In this book there is hand combat (in which it is possible to get knocked out rather than outright killed), gun battles and vehicle battles, each of which with different sets of rules. Bit of a faff if you ask me.
Just before I don the leather armour and cool pair of shades that driving my future car demand, a quick aside. The kid that had this book before me was a DIRTY STINKING CHEAT. His pencil scrawls reveal that his stamina and luck scores were allowed to exceed their initial values in clear contravention of the rules. Scumbag.
Ok, here we go. A space ghost decides to help some poor town in a post-apocalypse future where society has broken down, yada yada. Let's go kick some arse.
Space ghost is well aware of his lack of fighting prowess and crap car so when he hears a shotgun blast in a remote town he stopped in, it's foot down and get the hell out of there. Maybe playing as a coward will win the day here.
Space ghost tries to chat up some lady he meets at a gas station and is promptly mugged. Give up his car keys within 5 minutes of starting the damn book, or knife fight? Space ghost quite probably cuts himself pulling the knife out of his trousers, but here goes nothing.
It all comes down to the last dice role and space ghost knocks the thug spark out. The girl gets away while space ghost is doing a victory dance at winning he first ever fight on planet Earth. Onwards (after using a medpack)
And immediately into some vehicle combat. Crappit.The interceptor gets a bit beaten up, but space ghost perseveres and continues on.
Space ghost miscalculates and an event he thought would depend on his good luck actually turns out to be based on his rubbish skill. Nevertheless the dice gods are favourable and he escapes in tact.
Space ghost runs out of petrol and that's it.
WHAT THE FECK?!
What a shitty end to the story. You're basically driving around at random then arbitrarily die. That is rubbish.
The story says you can make it back home on foot to start again, so slightly better than dieing I guess, but still annoying so early into the adventure. I think it would be better to hook people in more first. And, if you are going to kill them early on, make it feel less random.
Humph.
Monday 27 August 2012
007: See how I messed up these title options (read below) OR Get to the bit where I actually try a new book (turn to 008)
Ok, so this post was supposed to be me leaving the City of Thieves behind and trying a new book. But I couldn't quite leave it. Two attempts and two failures (cheating aside) and I'm kind intrigued as to how I was meant to have completed the book. 30 years ago this would have meant hours of trial and error - I didn't have the patience then, nor do I now. Thankfully, in the modern age I can run off to Mr google to sort it all out for me. So, here is a quick update on how the player is meant to tackle the City of Thieves (so, obviously, spoilers ahoy).
Ok, so in my two attempts I basically went wrong straight away. Should have gone for the third option of conning my way into the city. This would have also seen me get the advice of getting a pass asap. Makes sense as later on in both my attempts lacking a merchant's pass proved irksome.
Not much to report from the early mooching about, although you do buy a ring of fire, which rings a bell as a bit Philskiar cheated at in his run through.
So you can get to the wizard bloke with no fights what so ever. Feels a bit like the wimp's route, but tallies with the claim of the books that it doesn't matter what your initial skills are. For now at least. Anyway, moving on, so just how were you supposed to collect that ridiculous shopping list from the wizard?
So the first fight is against some wild dogs with really weak stat. You could also have avoided it, but coupled with some flowers purchased earlier, the post fight situation yields some gold. This play through is earning quite a bit of gold, maybe for the purchase of all the tat?
Good to see that this play through avoids the pervert candle maker too - Philskiar's hunch was right
First item down is the arrow. Who'd have thought that you won't supposed to immediately attack the silversmith?!
Hag down. It would have been even easier if the player had a potion of mind control, although I have no idea where that came from. Presumably a different choice earlier on - maybe at the expense of the fire ring?
So the fire ring was just to defeat the mighty leaf beasts?! Was that it? Needing some way to cheat your way past those pathetic creatures feels a bit crap.
Anyway, that's the list complete (I forgot to right about the black pearl stuff on the pirate ship, but we did that in my last play through). You're then shepherded to the town guards, then outside the city in the back of the hay cart.
Zanbar punching time!
So you can bluff your way into the tower and have the option of going to bed (much like the Philskiar play through but without the wanton violence) which, having checked, involves insta-death if you go for it. Anyway, on and up the tower
So we have the second unavoidable fight (after the leaf beast), versus a skill 7 mummy so not impossible but also very easy with the ring of fire (like the leaf beast). This nets you the ring of the golden eye, a ring Zanbar is vulnerable to kept handily in the room opposite his own and gaurded by a shit mummy.
Unavoidable skeleton fight, with max skill 8 (there are 3 of them), so still not impossible with a low stat character.
Then you need to win a test of luck (doable but not easy with a low stat) then randomly choose the correct two ingredients to rub in Zanbar's stupid face (total luck of the draw with odds 66% against you, so a bit crappy really)
So that was actually really interesting. Not for anyone reading this claptrap, obviously, but for me in my attempt to write one of these sodding books.
Lessons learnt:
Ok, so in my two attempts I basically went wrong straight away. Should have gone for the third option of conning my way into the city. This would have also seen me get the advice of getting a pass asap. Makes sense as later on in both my attempts lacking a merchant's pass proved irksome.
Not much to report from the early mooching about, although you do buy a ring of fire, which rings a bell as a bit Philskiar cheated at in his run through.
So you can get to the wizard bloke with no fights what so ever. Feels a bit like the wimp's route, but tallies with the claim of the books that it doesn't matter what your initial skills are. For now at least. Anyway, moving on, so just how were you supposed to collect that ridiculous shopping list from the wizard?
So the first fight is against some wild dogs with really weak stat. You could also have avoided it, but coupled with some flowers purchased earlier, the post fight situation yields some gold. This play through is earning quite a bit of gold, maybe for the purchase of all the tat?
Good to see that this play through avoids the pervert candle maker too - Philskiar's hunch was right
First item down is the arrow. Who'd have thought that you won't supposed to immediately attack the silversmith?!
Hag down. It would have been even easier if the player had a potion of mind control, although I have no idea where that came from. Presumably a different choice earlier on - maybe at the expense of the fire ring?
So the fire ring was just to defeat the mighty leaf beasts?! Was that it? Needing some way to cheat your way past those pathetic creatures feels a bit crap.
Anyway, that's the list complete (I forgot to right about the black pearl stuff on the pirate ship, but we did that in my last play through). You're then shepherded to the town guards, then outside the city in the back of the hay cart.
Zanbar punching time!
So you can bluff your way into the tower and have the option of going to bed (much like the Philskiar play through but without the wanton violence) which, having checked, involves insta-death if you go for it. Anyway, on and up the tower
So we have the second unavoidable fight (after the leaf beast), versus a skill 7 mummy so not impossible but also very easy with the ring of fire (like the leaf beast). This nets you the ring of the golden eye, a ring Zanbar is vulnerable to kept handily in the room opposite his own and gaurded by a shit mummy.
Unavoidable skeleton fight, with max skill 8 (there are 3 of them), so still not impossible with a low stat character.
Then you need to win a test of luck (doable but not easy with a low stat) then randomly choose the correct two ingredients to rub in Zanbar's stupid face (total luck of the draw with odds 66% against you, so a bit crappy really)
So that was actually really interesting. Not for anyone reading this claptrap, obviously, but for me in my attempt to write one of these sodding books.
Lessons learnt:
- You can get through the book with a low stat character.
- The bullshit test of random choice at the end really isn't needed and feels a bit cheap
- The early part (prior to visiting the wizard) doesn't actually matter that much, more a question of damage limitation
- I'm still left wanting to have another go - can I get a merchant's pass, and where is the mind control potion? Does the ring of invisibility actually do anything, or is it a red herring?
Sunday 19 August 2012
006: Can I beat Zanbar Bone this time (read below) OR Should I give up and try a different book (go to 007)
Ok, so here we go again. Except this time I'm gonna kick Zanbar Bone's arse all over the City of Thieves.
To the dice!
Skill: 11
Stamina: 22
Luck: 7
Right, so good skill and stamina, but the lowest luck possible. I'm going to do some awesome role (roll? role? with dice and role playing please accept my apologies now if I use the spellings interchangeably) playing this time round, really get into the story.
Meet Philskiar Bonecrusher, a fearsome warrior only let down by his serious unluckyness. He could have been champion of the world, but dropped a sword on his foot so now walks with a limp. His wife left him for his best friend, a goblin wrangler, and he lost his life savings in a corrupt lizard mining scheme. All of this has left him slightly unhinged with a taste for wanton violence.
With this he resorted to being a sword for hire, tasked to rid the villagers of Silverton from Zanbar Bone, and so he goes to the City of Theeves. Dun dun duuuuuun (again).
So at the gates to the city, what does Philskiar do? Ram a sword down that stupid guard's face, that's what. Except the fight takes too long and two of his buddies come to investigate the kerfuffle. What happens to them? They taste steel, that's what. GRRRRRRRR.
(note at this point, I'm so into the role play that I rip my shirt off with my bare hands and yell at the gods. Ok, so I take it off properly over my head; I would have ripped it off but I would feel bad about wasting a good t-shirt. I didn't yell either, truth be told. I would have, but my missus is watching Come Dine With Me and wouldn't be happy if I started shouting)
So should Philskiar go down Key Street, Market Street or Clock Street? Well any one that messes with him is gonna get clocked on the nose (tenuous, sorry) so he heads of that way.
Philskiar promptly beats up a tramp and steels a glass ball from the corpse which he smashes on the ground JUST BECAUSE HE CAN. The smoke inside the ball turns into a magnificent helmet which you can be sure as hell Philskiar is going to try on. The helmet will add one to all future attack dice rolls. As if Philskiar wasn't already mighty enough. Znabar Bone won't know what hit him.
He wanders into a random house and kills its owner (an Ogre) just for a kick. Smashing open a locked box he finds some gold, 2 gems and a white silk glove. Philskiar could try on the glove, but he isn't a MASSIVE PUSSY so leaves it on the floor and heads on his way.
Philskiar just got MUGGED BY DWARVES. Dammit, all his lovely gold is gone. Someone will pay for this.
Does Philskiar want to go into a flower shop? WHAT DO YOU THINK SCUMSUCKER?! He continues on his way.
He challenges some chump to a game of "catch the cannon ball", betting 5 gold pieces he doesn't have. Philskiar loses. There being no option to gut the bastard for looking at him funny, Philskiar wanders off.
Wizard is duly found, secret to killing Zanbar Bone revealed, Philskiar heads off in search of the relevant items needed (although instead of a unicorn tattoo, Philskiar fully intends to get a tattoo representing him ripping off Zanbar's head and crapping down his throat).
Philskiar kills a pirate, choosing to use a stick rather than his sword, cos that is how double hard he is.
Three more pirates bite the dust. Philskiar could have snuck past them if his luck was in, but he is actually glad that he wakes them up just so he can SMASH THEIR SKULLS.
Philskiar is feeling frisky, so tries to chat up some plump and rosey cheeked fishwives. They are having none of it, but inform him that Hags have been seen disappearing down sewers. Thinking maybe they'd be up for it, Philskiar goes searching for a sewer. Maybe while he's down there he could SLAUGHTER SOME NINJA TURTLES to prove who's the boss.
An elf offers to let Philskiar see his "magic candle". Philskiar ain't no pervert, so passes up the opportunity and continues on his way.
Philskiar attempts to rob a silver shop. Killing the owner is easy (and FUN) but he can't get at the goods behind the metal barred cupboard.
A blacksmith "looks surprised at [Philskiar's] unprovoked aggression" before looking surprised at the fact his lower intestines are being stuffed in his mouth. Philskiar then loses 4 luck points for the BULLSHIT reason of feeling guilty.
[As another aside, I've just spilt beer on the book, proving myself to be skill 7 and (beer) stamina 14]
Well this is embarrassing. Philskiar has to sell his KICK ASS helmet in order to be able to afford the SHITTEST TATTOO IN THE WORLD.
Philskiar is given the option of paying to be thrown out of the city, or resisting arrest. That isn't a choice, that is a RECIPE FOR PAIN
Further evidence that IAN LIVINGSTONE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT Philskiar is given no choice other than running away from some gaurds and hiding in a cart and getting smuggled out of the city.
Lacking all the necessary equipment the adventure should end here. But Philskiar thinks FUCK THIS and heads off to punch Zanbar Bone in the nut.
[now I've spilt beer on the cat, a fearsome hell beast of skill 10 and purring stamina 22]
Brutally murdering an ape man, Philskiar nabs a gold owl trinket that means he can see in the dark. Basically, the dark is afraid of Philskiar.
A vicious fight with two moon dogs (one of them skill 11) leaves Philskiar battered, but undeterred. He still has some provisions, and then he eats moon dog eyeballs just for the sheer hell of it.
Given the option of ringing the door bell or shoulder charging it open, guess which one Philskiar elects? He hurts his shoulder (minus 1 skill) but is now inside the spooky tower.
Philskiar then has the option of apologising to Zanbar Bone's manservant for breaking the door (?!). The manservant (who is also a zombie) is swiftly killed instead. Philskiar then knicks a shield with a unicorn on it (matches the shit tattoo nicely and he gets plus 1 skill, presumably for stylish accessorising) and goes Zanbar hunting.
One floor up is a comfy looking bed that Philskiar is given the option of sleeping in. Taking the piss out of Zanbar to the extent of sleeping in his own guest accommodation before murdering him is tempting, but instead he presses on up the tower.
The mighty golden owl trinket enables Philskiar to avoid a nasty trap, before Zanbar starts mocking him from afar (presumably using some sort of fancy speaker system).
At this point Philskiar STARTS CHEATING checking ahead for possible random deaths. He is slightly drunk and wants to finish this SODDING BOOK. He then GENUINELY rolls double six twice in a row when fighting a paltry skill 6 zombie. He grimly realises that he'll probably need that kind of luck when fighting Zanbar later (cheating aside)
Philskiar fights some death hawks which have coolest name for an enemy so far. Philskiar briefly considers starting a band called "The Screeching Death Hawks" before pressing on.
A little man "15cm high" informs Philskiar of Zanbar's location. IT'S ON!!!
Philskiar lacks some pussy arsed ring of the golden eye so it should be insta-death. However, his SHEER AWESOMENESS allows him to skip this requirement.
Despite his luck score of zero (after murdering the blacksmith) Philskiar still manages to hit Zanbar with the silver arrow. The arrow misses, but the richocet/cheat get Zanbar right in the chest.
Philskiar then must randomly choose the composition of the salve to rub in that bastards stupid face. One more cheat and he selects the right one. Philskiar is greeted with the magic words:
TURN TO 400
In a nice touch to Philskiar's character, passage 400 states that he sets the place on fire. I like to think that he also maybe did a little wee on Zanbar's corpse. Presumably while coming up with some awesome one liner and lighting a cigar.
Victory is mine (after approximately 7 incidents of cheating: all fights were done properly, but a lot of random crap was avoided)
To the dice!
Skill: 11
Stamina: 22
Luck: 7
Right, so good skill and stamina, but the lowest luck possible. I'm going to do some awesome role (roll? role? with dice and role playing please accept my apologies now if I use the spellings interchangeably) playing this time round, really get into the story.
Meet Philskiar Bonecrusher, a fearsome warrior only let down by his serious unluckyness. He could have been champion of the world, but dropped a sword on his foot so now walks with a limp. His wife left him for his best friend, a goblin wrangler, and he lost his life savings in a corrupt lizard mining scheme. All of this has left him slightly unhinged with a taste for wanton violence.
With this he resorted to being a sword for hire, tasked to rid the villagers of Silverton from Zanbar Bone, and so he goes to the City of Theeves. Dun dun duuuuuun (again).
So at the gates to the city, what does Philskiar do? Ram a sword down that stupid guard's face, that's what. Except the fight takes too long and two of his buddies come to investigate the kerfuffle. What happens to them? They taste steel, that's what. GRRRRRRRR.
(note at this point, I'm so into the role play that I rip my shirt off with my bare hands and yell at the gods. Ok, so I take it off properly over my head; I would have ripped it off but I would feel bad about wasting a good t-shirt. I didn't yell either, truth be told. I would have, but my missus is watching Come Dine With Me and wouldn't be happy if I started shouting)
So should Philskiar go down Key Street, Market Street or Clock Street? Well any one that messes with him is gonna get clocked on the nose (tenuous, sorry) so he heads of that way.
Philskiar promptly beats up a tramp and steels a glass ball from the corpse which he smashes on the ground JUST BECAUSE HE CAN. The smoke inside the ball turns into a magnificent helmet which you can be sure as hell Philskiar is going to try on. The helmet will add one to all future attack dice rolls. As if Philskiar wasn't already mighty enough. Znabar Bone won't know what hit him.
He wanders into a random house and kills its owner (an Ogre) just for a kick. Smashing open a locked box he finds some gold, 2 gems and a white silk glove. Philskiar could try on the glove, but he isn't a MASSIVE PUSSY so leaves it on the floor and heads on his way.
Philskiar just got MUGGED BY DWARVES. Dammit, all his lovely gold is gone. Someone will pay for this.
Does Philskiar want to go into a flower shop? WHAT DO YOU THINK SCUMSUCKER?! He continues on his way.
He challenges some chump to a game of "catch the cannon ball", betting 5 gold pieces he doesn't have. Philskiar loses. There being no option to gut the bastard for looking at him funny, Philskiar wanders off.
Wizard is duly found, secret to killing Zanbar Bone revealed, Philskiar heads off in search of the relevant items needed (although instead of a unicorn tattoo, Philskiar fully intends to get a tattoo representing him ripping off Zanbar's head and crapping down his throat).
Philskiar kills a pirate, choosing to use a stick rather than his sword, cos that is how double hard he is.
Three more pirates bite the dust. Philskiar could have snuck past them if his luck was in, but he is actually glad that he wakes them up just so he can SMASH THEIR SKULLS.
Philskiar is feeling frisky, so tries to chat up some plump and rosey cheeked fishwives. They are having none of it, but inform him that Hags have been seen disappearing down sewers. Thinking maybe they'd be up for it, Philskiar goes searching for a sewer. Maybe while he's down there he could SLAUGHTER SOME NINJA TURTLES to prove who's the boss.
An elf offers to let Philskiar see his "magic candle". Philskiar ain't no pervert, so passes up the opportunity and continues on his way.
Philskiar attempts to rob a silver shop. Killing the owner is easy (and FUN) but he can't get at the goods behind the metal barred cupboard.
A blacksmith "looks surprised at [Philskiar's] unprovoked aggression" before looking surprised at the fact his lower intestines are being stuffed in his mouth. Philskiar then loses 4 luck points for the BULLSHIT reason of feeling guilty.
[As another aside, I've just spilt beer on the book, proving myself to be skill 7 and (beer) stamina 14]
Well this is embarrassing. Philskiar has to sell his KICK ASS helmet in order to be able to afford the SHITTEST TATTOO IN THE WORLD.
Philskiar is given the option of paying to be thrown out of the city, or resisting arrest. That isn't a choice, that is a RECIPE FOR PAIN
Further evidence that IAN LIVINGSTONE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT Philskiar is given no choice other than running away from some gaurds and hiding in a cart and getting smuggled out of the city.
Lacking all the necessary equipment the adventure should end here. But Philskiar thinks FUCK THIS and heads off to punch Zanbar Bone in the nut.
[now I've spilt beer on the cat, a fearsome hell beast of skill 10 and purring stamina 22]
Brutally murdering an ape man, Philskiar nabs a gold owl trinket that means he can see in the dark. Basically, the dark is afraid of Philskiar.
A vicious fight with two moon dogs (one of them skill 11) leaves Philskiar battered, but undeterred. He still has some provisions, and then he eats moon dog eyeballs just for the sheer hell of it.
Given the option of ringing the door bell or shoulder charging it open, guess which one Philskiar elects? He hurts his shoulder (minus 1 skill) but is now inside the spooky tower.
Philskiar then has the option of apologising to Zanbar Bone's manservant for breaking the door (?!). The manservant (who is also a zombie) is swiftly killed instead. Philskiar then knicks a shield with a unicorn on it (matches the shit tattoo nicely and he gets plus 1 skill, presumably for stylish accessorising) and goes Zanbar hunting.
One floor up is a comfy looking bed that Philskiar is given the option of sleeping in. Taking the piss out of Zanbar to the extent of sleeping in his own guest accommodation before murdering him is tempting, but instead he presses on up the tower.
The mighty golden owl trinket enables Philskiar to avoid a nasty trap, before Zanbar starts mocking him from afar (presumably using some sort of fancy speaker system).
At this point Philskiar STARTS CHEATING checking ahead for possible random deaths. He is slightly drunk and wants to finish this SODDING BOOK. He then GENUINELY rolls double six twice in a row when fighting a paltry skill 6 zombie. He grimly realises that he'll probably need that kind of luck when fighting Zanbar later (cheating aside)
Philskiar fights some death hawks which have coolest name for an enemy so far. Philskiar briefly considers starting a band called "The Screeching Death Hawks" before pressing on.
A little man "15cm high" informs Philskiar of Zanbar's location. IT'S ON!!!
Philskiar lacks some pussy arsed ring of the golden eye so it should be insta-death. However, his SHEER AWESOMENESS allows him to skip this requirement.
Despite his luck score of zero (after murdering the blacksmith) Philskiar still manages to hit Zanbar with the silver arrow. The arrow misses, but the richocet/cheat get Zanbar right in the chest.
Philskiar then must randomly choose the composition of the salve to rub in that bastards stupid face. One more cheat and he selects the right one. Philskiar is greeted with the magic words:
TURN TO 400
In a nice touch to Philskiar's character, passage 400 states that he sets the place on fire. I like to think that he also maybe did a little wee on Zanbar's corpse. Presumably while coming up with some awesome one liner and lighting a cigar.
Victory is mine (after approximately 7 incidents of cheating: all fights were done properly, but a lot of random crap was avoided)
005: Will you read about gamebooks in the 21st century (read below) OR Laugh at my continued attempts with City of Thieves (go to 006)
So it turns out that gamebooks are still going strong, with new books being written (including recently a new Ian Livingstone effort to celebrate 30 years of FF). Some concessions to modern life have been made with tweaks to rule sets, but there does tend to be a strong link to the fantasy game world that these sort of book originally came out of.
I think the biggest change has been the use of gamebook "apps" available for all good smartphones and tablets. I've been playing one this week on the train, "Revenant" by Tin Man games.It's actually quite good, virtual dice are thrown across nicely designed "pages" from the story. However, there is one problem.
You can't cheat
You do get some bookmarks to go back to, which I guess is the modern equivalent to keeping various fingers in pages containing difficult decisions, but you can't just choose a random passage to read, or let a picture catch your eye and read the associated text. A cheat mode does unlock when you complete it, but I died so many sodding times near the end, I just can't be arsed.
So I've now got some ideas about how I want my attempt at a gamebook (or gb as I'm now going to call them to save typing it out every sodding time) but more research is needed. I am about to return to City of Thieves (go to 006) to try and learn some more, but hopefully I'll soon start planning some of the decision paths.
As an aside, it also turns out that there's a whole sub-genre of guys writing about their exploits playing through the old school FF books. Two of my favourites include Fighting Dantasy, which makes me wish I'd spent a bit more time coming up with a slightly more catchy name for this blog, and the honestly hilarious Turn to 400. I didn't think that reading about some bloke playing a 30 year old gb could make me laugh out loud, but it did. My missus (and cat) think I'm a weirdo, but whatcha gonna do?
I think the biggest change has been the use of gamebook "apps" available for all good smartphones and tablets. I've been playing one this week on the train, "Revenant" by Tin Man games.It's actually quite good, virtual dice are thrown across nicely designed "pages" from the story. However, there is one problem.
You can't cheat
You do get some bookmarks to go back to, which I guess is the modern equivalent to keeping various fingers in pages containing difficult decisions, but you can't just choose a random passage to read, or let a picture catch your eye and read the associated text. A cheat mode does unlock when you complete it, but I died so many sodding times near the end, I just can't be arsed.
So I've now got some ideas about how I want my attempt at a gamebook (or gb as I'm now going to call them to save typing it out every sodding time) but more research is needed. I am about to return to City of Thieves (go to 006) to try and learn some more, but hopefully I'll soon start planning some of the decision paths.
As an aside, it also turns out that there's a whole sub-genre of guys writing about their exploits playing through the old school FF books. Two of my favourites include Fighting Dantasy, which makes me wish I'd spent a bit more time coming up with a slightly more catchy name for this blog, and the honestly hilarious Turn to 400. I didn't think that reading about some bloke playing a 30 year old gb could make me laugh out loud, but it did. My missus (and cat) think I'm a weirdo, but whatcha gonna do?
Tuesday 14 August 2012
004: Lessons learnt (read below) OR Straight back on that horse (Go to 006)
So what did I learn from my "research" playing City of Thieves as a fully grown adult?
When I first rolled the maximum score for skill I thought that coupled with my superior adult brain (in your face child-Phil) that it would be a breeze. I'd punch stuff in the face and cruise past any puzzles. Simple.
Not to be.
The actual mechanics of the game aren't that complicated. If I was to draw a map of the choices made it would be a fairly simple three way branch at the start and a set of different adventures/challenges/death down each one. You're then steered to a central point (the wizard) given a list of Maguffins to go after then it branches off again. In theory I should be able to do something similar when I come to have a go.
However, there are a few elements of the mechanics that haven't made the transition to the 21st century that well in my opinion. Mechanics I'd want to fiddle with when it comes to my attempt.
Fighting using dice adds an element of tensions and quite good fun, but feels a bit, well, wrong as an adult. The dice took a bit of finding too (thanks old backgammon set). I could have downloaded a dice rolling app I'm sure, mind, but reading a book in one hand and fiddling with a phone in the other? Not ideal.
Flicking back and forth to the sheet where you record your various abilities/items/provisions etc is annoying. There are way too many changes to stamina/provisions/gold. No one wants to play an RPG as an accountant. No wonder I rarely bothered with these bits as a kid. It could be done on a separate piece of paper to avoid the flicking, but having to cart round extra stuff - much like the dice issue - for a book you might well want to read on the train isn't ideal.
If you want to read more about playing on the train (turn to 005)
When I first rolled the maximum score for skill I thought that coupled with my superior adult brain (in your face child-Phil) that it would be a breeze. I'd punch stuff in the face and cruise past any puzzles. Simple.
Not to be.
The actual mechanics of the game aren't that complicated. If I was to draw a map of the choices made it would be a fairly simple three way branch at the start and a set of different adventures/challenges/death down each one. You're then steered to a central point (the wizard) given a list of Maguffins to go after then it branches off again. In theory I should be able to do something similar when I come to have a go.
However, there are a few elements of the mechanics that haven't made the transition to the 21st century that well in my opinion. Mechanics I'd want to fiddle with when it comes to my attempt.
Fighting using dice adds an element of tensions and quite good fun, but feels a bit, well, wrong as an adult. The dice took a bit of finding too (thanks old backgammon set). I could have downloaded a dice rolling app I'm sure, mind, but reading a book in one hand and fiddling with a phone in the other? Not ideal.
Flicking back and forth to the sheet where you record your various abilities/items/provisions etc is annoying. There are way too many changes to stamina/provisions/gold. No one wants to play an RPG as an accountant. No wonder I rarely bothered with these bits as a kid. It could be done on a separate piece of paper to avoid the flicking, but having to cart round extra stuff - much like the dice issue - for a book you might well want to read on the train isn't ideal.
If you want to read more about playing on the train (turn to 005)
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